i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
