is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
