not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize