I only kidnapped one of them. chill
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
