watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize