just tell him i said nine months
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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