lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize