I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
