Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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