You're so nebulous sometimes
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
