I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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