Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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