4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize