He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
