Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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