what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
