Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
