Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
