maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
