So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
