Pappa wants mamma naked
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Boobs are out for the taking
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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