im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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