On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
