Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
