You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why are your pants in the freezer?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
