So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
