if i can run in heels then i can drive
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
