It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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