is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize