I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
