is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
