"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So vagazzling was a success
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
