She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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