My first STD was from a foam party
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
