The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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