I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she smelled like a LAN party
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
