oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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