So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
