the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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