Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
