ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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