wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
