I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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