True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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