I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Who died my cat blue again?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
