I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What a dumb baby whore.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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