he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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