Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
