So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
