i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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