New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
