Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
