every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
