That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
