someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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