who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
