The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize