I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
