I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and she was petting her beer can
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
