chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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