Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
