I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
