Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
