you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize