He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize