Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish you could order shots online.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
