it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
