He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize