yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
