My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
