We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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