Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
