My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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