She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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