I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
