He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
