Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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