I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
