I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
